Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
