I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Randomize
