Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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