U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was CRYING into my vagina
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
