I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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