In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
