I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just had sex on a roof
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
