the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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