Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
