porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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