): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
