be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize