He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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