Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
