I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Randomize
