Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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