thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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