I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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