Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think a kid would responsible me up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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