; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
