totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
