i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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