sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
