just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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