He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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