I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
