he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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