When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
