Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
as a side note pls kill me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
