epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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