can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
did you just send me my own nude
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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