what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
