There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
