Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
