Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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