I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
