Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
