i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
