Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
