how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
