I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
