What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want a musical about memes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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