I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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