You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
