Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
