what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
