im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just blew my weed a kiss
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
