Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
