I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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