I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
