did you get engaged???
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Randomize
