Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize