and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
