So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize