i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
