the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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