I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
