i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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