It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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