dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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