I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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