she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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