I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
